That's What She Said...

We actually arrived at the Bethany office on time, with Charlie in tow.  He waited in the shady car (windows down of course) as we went in with absolutely no expectations or ideas as to what we might be asked. SW explained that in order for her to write up an accurate home study (showcasing all of our perfectness ;) individual interviews would help her get to know us more candidly. I went first and Dave hung out with Charlie in the car, rather than in the lobby, which was much appreciated by our little "prince" of a pup. It's probably a good thing that (A) dogs can't talk (at least not in English) and (B) Charlie wouldn't be interviewed. As far as he's concerned, our little family of three (he doesn't consider the cat to be a family member but rather some fur thing that hangs out in the house) doesn't need to grow or change!

The interview took longer than I thought, which I should have figured.   I was asked all kinds of things like what it was like growing up and my favorite childhood memories. That was a hard one because so many of them were great. I finally answered with all the camping trip adventures we went on and Christmas in Young's Island with the Smoaks.  I used to love listening to my grandfather read the Christmas story from the Bible and exchange white elephant gifts! We talked about Dave and our marriage. Of course these answers brought about laughter and tears (I swear I am as emotional as a pregnant woman). Answering questions like, how do we divide chores and who does what made me laugh because I was picturing how Dave would answer this same question. With that in mind I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, hoping he'd do the same for me when it was his turn!

SW asked if we talked about how we wanted to raise our children, discipline, and expectations. I answered by saying our child will be perfect, just like our marriage, and we won't have to have discipline. She didn't laugh as I was expecting since that was a ridiculous answer. After telling her I was totally kidding she smiled and told me I'd be surprised at how often people say that in all seriousness. I guess that shouldn't be shocking, but really??!!

As soon as Dave finished and joined Charlie and I in the car, we couldn't help but ask each other how we answered each question.  Of course some questions were slightly different from Dave's point of view verses mine.  Like how we handle an argument... men and women really are totally different species.  We laughed all the way over to my mom's beach house discussing everything.  I think SW probably has a good idea of who we are and what our values and priorities are.  I hope and pray she knows that we love God, each other, to laugh regularly, and not take ourselves too seriously!

We are getting so close to being officially on the "list" of adoptive families.  SW will come for the final home visit next Monday, July 2! Once she types up all the required documents and mails it in to the state department, our home study will just need to be approved.  As soon as it is approved, we will start to see recruitment emails as early as that very day.  Then the real wait begins.  Only God knows how long or short that will be until He introduces us to the precious baby He has specifically created just for us!

The Home Study Begins

The Home Study process is off and running as we had our first home visit with our social worker (whom I'll call SW) June 7 and an office visit scheduled for tomorrow June 21.  The home visit went great, lasted about an hour or so.  Not because we live in a grand mansion but because apparently D and I love talking about adoption and what has brought us here and SW has patient listening skills, bless her!  We just get so excited sharing how blessed we have been through this process.  God really can turn any situation, no matter how despair, into a blessing!  I don't think I would have believed that a year or so ago, which makes me so thankful that He is changing my heart each and every day.

The whole Heilman household (including Charlie and Spunky the cat) got ready for the visit.  We were told not to over analyze the visit, have the house professionally cleaned, or do anything out of the ordinary to prepare.  So I'm not sure if spending three days cleaning (after all I'm certainly not a professional cleaner) and having both animals (yes-even the cat) undergo military style hair cuts falls under the "out of the ordinary" category.  But I mean, come on, who's not going to do anything to prepare... right?  Some might say that I forced my sweet old cat through torture to be shaved, but I think she kind of likes it.  You be the judge...

Spunky after her hair cut/shave.... Seems okay to me ;)

Charlie after his cut... the "Prince" as he considers himself, is used to it! Notice his "throne" of blankets and pillows...we've created a monster!

After showing SW around the house, taking approximately 5 minuets, we took the rest of the time just talking on the couch.  I must say I'm a little disappointed she didn't get to see (or care about) how clean and organized our bedroom closet was (that took one of those three cleaning days I mentioned earlier)!  We scheduled the office visit for tomorrow and she told us about the adoption preference form she would send out a day later.  I've been thinking about the preference form a lot lately, even though we have already completed and returned it.  I guess with Father's day just passing and specific scripture jumping off the Bible pages in my devotion, it seems like God is talking directly to me.  I know that He does that, as it says He does in multiple scriptures, but when it is actually happening, it always feels unbelievable!  Today I read Psalms 139 and verses 13-16, which in summary talks about how custom and specifically made we each were.  It's hard to set parameters around the type of child we want and aspects we are comfortable with him or her having due to pre-natal care or lack there of and genetics.  But there is a reality to that and it's only natural to want your baby to be healthy, whether he or she is received through adoption or biologically.  Ultimately it is in God's hands, and it would be even if we were having a biological child.  

I know it's going to be hard when we start receiving recruitment emails about babies in need of an adoptive family that have a special circumstance.  I just don't know how I could go through this without faith.  Faith in the fact that God has a baby already chosen for us and that He will lead us to that birth mother and child in His perfect timing.  Faith that He will only give us what we can handle.  Faith that He will help us throughout the whole process.  Without that faith, I would be a complete and total mess right now!  I have absolutely no idea what our baby will look like, not only physically but emotionally and developmentally,  , but then again, would I really have a better idea of any of those things if we were pregnant? And if we were pregnant would we change any of those things had we known ahead of time if possible?  Of course that wouldn't be possible anyway, and I don't have to really answers those questions, thank God.  I do know that Dave and I have to have faith that it will all work out.

We are looking forward to our office visit and mini vacation there after with my mom and family.  Dave We will have separate interviews with SW and I really can't imagine what we will be asked but Dave and I have been pretty open to just about any question so we shall see.  And of course I'll keep you posted...

A Memorable Memorial Weekend...

Yes, I do realize that Memorial Day was a week ago and I'm just now getting to this post but a lot has happened in a week!  The nursery is coming along and the walls are just about done, thanks to Dave and Leo.  Our social worker called to schedule our first home visit, officially starting our "home study" process.  So between the "construction" in the nursery and the home visit scheduling, a week late isn't that bad!

After the late night of cutting, sanding, priming twice, re-sanding, and painting, the boards were finally ready to be hung.

Just about done; last step caulking all the edges!

After finding a weekend available for our good friend, Leo to use his handy construction skills and tools, he graciously offered to help us put up some wanes board, complete with picture rail.  I got this crazy idea from Pinterest (a highly addictive somewhat new social craze), and because it was "for the baby," Dave went along with it.  It all seemed so simple; a quick DIY, just paint and tack up some boards, right? Well... lets just say that our estimated time on this project was one Saturday afternoon, and a week later, we still aren't completely finished!  I should have known better, nothing is as simple as it seems. 

Dave's parents were in town and went with us to Lowe's Thursday night to help pick out some wood pieces.  Bob's woodworking expertise was not only helpful but essential at keeping Dave and I from strangling each other.  If you want to test your marriage out, try a "simple" DIY project!  It is crazy how easy home improvements can bring the worst out in you.  Thankfully, we got through the weekend without any major catastrophes, bumps, or bruises!  It wasn't easy, though.  We found that out as soon as the boys finished cutting the 2x4's and ripping them into three pieces.  Although 2x4's are cost efficient, they aren't exactly good quality, and unfortunately didn't pass quality control (aka, ME).  That meant a whole lot of extra, unexpected work and not finishing in one day (or one week for that matter).  Dave and I stayed up till 10PM working on smoothing out all 22 boards.  Keep in mind we started this project around 9AM and never really stopped.  But now that it's just about finished, it looks great and Dave and I are still happily married!

Meanwhile, I chose some fabric and agreed to do a little bartering with a friend of mine.  Wendi is extremely talented on a sewing machine and is going to try her luck with sewing some baby bedding, pillows, and curtains in exchange for some Sweet as Peas painted items.  I'm so excited she is willing to try this, I can't stand it.

The fabric I chose for Wendi to magically transform into crib bedding, curtains, and pillows.

I also found an old antique dresser that I plan to refinish and use as the changing table.  We started painting Dave's great grandmother's rocking chair for the room too. To go with it, I picked up the most perfect little ottoman from a thrift store, that just needs to be repainted and recovered. It's all coming together, and just in time for our first home visit.  The visit is scheduled for next Thursday, June 7 (there's that number again;).  Our social worker, assured us that it isn't a "white glove test" and not to be anxious about it.  She is just going to verify that we live where we say we do and make sure we don't own a thousand cats or have a meth lab in the back yard.  She will also talk with us a little bit to get to know us better and how we came to our decision to adopt.  Friends of ours who have been through the process recently, told us it took less than 20 minuets for them.  We are just glad to get the home study going.  The sooner it is approved, the sooner birth mom's can potentially choose us at their adoptive family.  I just got chills writing that.  

Ottoman for the rocking chair; best part was the price.  Fresh paint and new fabric, it'll look like new! 

Future changing table and rocking chair.  Not quite finished with chair and haven't started the dresser.

The nursery has been a welcome distraction from all the paperwork and waiting.  Next we will have the family book to focus on which will be another welcome distraction as I love scrap booking (even if it is a computer generated photo book rather than an old school actual scrap book).  It hasn't all been easy and we have experienced some set backs, like my car needing all kinds of random & outrageously priced repairs, forcing us to go into our "adoption savings." But God uses those set backs to remind us that He is more than capable of taking care of us.  We have experienced overwhelmingly generous kindness from unexpected resources, along with friends and of course family, offering to help.  Those offers came at such precise timing, there is no doubt it was God's will rather than coincidence.  It also wasn't a coincidence that my daily devotionals this week lead me to specific scripture that touched my heart...

Psalm 120:1 "in my distress, I cried to the Lord, and He heard me." 

John 14:14 As Jesus said, "If you ask anything in My name, I will do it."

God is so amazing and I can't believe it has taken me 30 years to finally start reading His word on a daily basis and open myself up to intimate relationship with Him.  Jesus has changed my life and I can't imagine it without Him!

Surprise...It's a Crib!

I was hoping to begin this post with the news of a home study scheduled, but it seems a little more waiting is in our near future before that can happen. The good news is that my physicians report finally made its way to our cozy little file In Bethany's Columbia office. That might not seem like big news but it means that our formal application is FINALLY complete...which allows us to take the next step...starting the home study.

 The home study begins in the order in which the applications are complete, and depends on how many families our coordinator is working with. Ours is wrapping up three other studies right now and needs to get at least two of those completed and approved before she can begin with us. Naturally it is pretty easy to blame my doctors office for this seemingly huge delay, but what good would that do? Its good to be reminded, "God is in control and everything is under control," including the perfect timing of baby Heilmans arrival. Feel free to remind me of that if my patience runs out by the end of the month. Thankfully, Dave seems to be the dependable slow and steady with unfazed patience and faith (wonder why he isn't like this with all the small things, like my inability to navigate or utilize time management :)!

 Our coordinator hopes to be able to start the home study process with us by the end of the month. In the mean time, we can distract ourselves with the way more fun task of designing the nursery! We have cleared out the room, organized all the mess hiding in the closet, and put together the crib.  I just love saying that so casually as if it's not a tiny symbol of a magnificent life changing undertaking that makes us so excited we can't stand it! The crib is one of the only things in the nursery at the moment and it makes me smile every time I glance in there from working in my studio. We can't thank my dad and Cheryl enough for surprising us with it. They even delivered it! Dad and Dave put it together, which is a hilarious story in itself. Let's just say after 30 min of starting, Dave was in lowes buying new screws because "the box had the wrong ones," which I'm sure is a common problem in manufacturing factories, right?! But needless to say after four attempts, the crib is up and ready to go, and with no major catastrophes . That made for a night full of always welcome, and much needed laughter. We are just plugging along, slowly working in the nursery and getting photos organized for the family book as we wait to start the next step. 

It might not look like much, but organizing that closet was  a huge undertaking; so I had to include it in the photo with our precious crib from Mimi & Papi!

God blesses and encourages us every day in different ways. I'm becoming a huge advocate of Craigslist and consignment as we build our adoption piggy bank. It's amazing how you can turn what's been hiding in your closet, garage, and attic into extra cash! Of course, that's all Gods doing, and we are so thankful!

Lucky Number Seven

We traveled on up interstate 26 last Thursday night to get a head start on Fridays training session starting at 8:45. How is it that we can be late whether we are 10 minutes away or 2 hours away? Of course Dave has an easy answer to that, and I'll give you a clue, it has to do with me! So we were the last couple to arrive at 8:50 (it could be worse). It was a small group of only 7 couples, a number that always seems to pop up in our lives, especially since our 7/7/07 wedding date. And not coincidentally, the birth mother who came as a guest speaker also mentioned that number's significance in her testimony.

 The day started out with a devotional scripture read by the state director. One of the reasons we chose Bethany was because of how Christ-centered they are. We continue to leave these meetings feeling reassured that we are with the right agency. There are a lot of ways to do things, including adoption, but for us, surrounding ourselves with God's word and guidance is the only way we can approach this journey. As the morning proceeded, we of course learned more about the adoption process, and as a friend forewarned, will include more paperwork; just when we thought we had that covered!

 After our formal application is complete (still waiting on the physicians report- mine surprisingly rather than Dave's, who was non existent before this process) we will start the home study with our coordinator. The study includes interviews with both of us at our house, more paperwork, some required reading, the profile book (kind of like a scrap book, which i've already started since that's kind of my thing:), expectant parent letter, website stuff, and rounded off with some more paperwork. We also learned more about the selection process and placement paperwork, which thankfully Bethany completely takes care of! And not to be put off, the ugly reality of finances, fees, and legal counsel was covered and broken down by a guest lawyer. The lawyer was a woman in Lexington who specializes in adoption law, who I immediately fell in love with, since she shared her personal experience of adopting her half hispanic little boy through Bethany as well.

 The day went on with explaining and being prepared for how adoption effects the birth family, adoptive family, and the adoptee. For me the most meaningful part was hearing from the birth mother of the "adoption triad." I think it is easy to consider our own feelings as the adoptive family, and even those of the adoptee, but it's a little harder to imagine what the birth family (most often mom) is feeling. Both Dave and I have grown so much, by the grace of God, when it comes to considering the Birth moms and families. It's easy to fall into the trap of believing societal norms and stereotypes placed on these women, but for the precious birth mother who selflessly chooses what's best for her child, overcoming those stereotypes takes tremendous courage. There is no doubt that God is working in our hearts to see and appreciate that courage the birth mom exemplifies. Hearing the testimony of the young lady who chose to place her child in adoption, made me emotional at the training and still does to think of her now. As I mentioned earlier, she noted the relevance of the number 7 in her story and how it connected her to the adoptive family she ended up choosing. I don't remember the exact connection surrounding it, but I clearly remember her saying that seven is God's number of completion.

 This stuck out to me, not because of the biblical evidence supporting that statement, but at how evident it was that God had a plan for that baby. He used that courageous young lady, and what could have been a disaster, to bring such joy to the adoptive family and ultimately to her.  Because everyone involved chose to be faithful, God blessed them in an extraordinarily unique way. It brings joyful tears to my eyes to know that God already has a baby planed for our family, from the eye color to the date of his or her arrival. I've already started praying for the mother who will carry this child even though I don't know her. Dave and I both are actually looking forward to meeting her, which is certainly a complete circle from our original fear of this meeting.

In another post, I mentioned that I don't believe in coincidences, and that belief always seems to be supported the more I notice God working in even the small things of life. Using the number 7 to catch my attention, give me reassurance, comfort, and just make me smile, might seem silly to some.  But I'm confident, it's just another way God is communicating with me.  After all if coincidences don't exist, God is the only other explanation.

After re-reading this in an attempt to "edit," I couldn't help but think of a Sienfield episode (which Dave and I watch pretty much every day while -yes usually he- cooks dinner).  Everyone can rest assured we won't be naming our child Seven, or Soda for that matter...

GEORGE: Aw c'mon. It's a fantastic name. It's a real original, ...

Making a list and checking it twice...

Today's devotional reading included Psalm 69:32... The humble will see their God at work and be glad. Let all who seek God's help be encouraged.

I felt God just touch my heart after reading that. It's my prayer that Dave and I will continue to humble ourselves with eyes wide open to witness God at work in our lives! I continue to be amazed that people (besides family, who is practically obligated;) are reading a simple girl's blog. One that is full of grammar & spelling errors (yes, I've been told), which is sad being that both of my parents are/were educators. I can't imagine my elementary school teachers having to break it to my dad & their boss, that I wasn't exactly the star student.  It's good to know your strengths and  I'm clearly NOT a writer, I just write how I talk and words just kinda tumble out.

 I've heard from so many of you, who have shared with family and friends, many who have not even met Dave and I, that our story (even through the grammatical errors) has touched you in some way. THAT is so clearly Gods doing and His work! I've been able to hear similar stories and amazing testimonies from all sorts of people, which is such a refreshing blessing. I appreciate every one of them and marvel at how God can use all of our stories, tragedies, experiences, and disappointments to comfort someone else at precisely the right moment! The support is just overwhelming and leaves Dave and I feeling so blessed and grateful!

 We are eagerly awaiting April 13, the training day in Columbia, and just finished preparing all the paperwork for the application...which was no easy task! It was, however, a welcome one because the feeling of checking off a "to do" list is gratifying, especially to a self-admitted impatient "list checker!" It makes me feel like we are getting somewhere. Even if it is finger print checks, pet vaccinations (that may have prompted an emergency dog training session, not required but may be volunteered on our part), family history, physicians report, personal testimony, photos (which you would think would be easy but somehow isn't). Oh and an affidavit of health insurance, income statement, sign this and that forms, family residence, record release forms, 3 page questionnaire, SLED criminal record inquiry, and last but not least, birth & marriage certificates. Could you imagine if everyone had to do this before having a baby? I'd venture to say we would have a very different society at the least.

And it's off... Our application mailed out today!

 All of the stories and testimonies have really given us strength to check off some of the more grueling steps of preparing for our application and training session. We know they will continue to comfort us when we start preparing for the  home visit & family profile . We feel assured that the process, and hurdles, will not only be worth it in the end but will help us prepare for future baby Heilman! At least I know the pet training will, Charlie is going to have to learn how to take a back seat.

Who's going to tell this guy he's being down graded to "a dog?"

Myrtle Beach Meeting

The more I read God's word, I realize that He has a sense of humor.  I suppose He has to, seeing as how patient He has to be with us all.... and me in particular.  Since we "started" this process, we really haven't "started" at all.  That's where my lack of patience must have God lovingly shaking His head as He reminds me over and over that His timing is perfect; and I need to RELAX!

I didn't really know what to expect from the Myrtle Beach information meeting, but surely they would get some "information" from us, right? I was wrong, they gave us a lot of information about Bethany.  It was helpful info and we did learn some new things.  We also were able to meet our coordinator face to face and have some questions answered.  Just when I thought, okay, we got all the information we need, we are doing this, lets just go already, new questions come up that I hadn't thought of before.  That's what I mean about God having a sense of humor.  Dave is so much more level headed about it all, He is constantly seeking to learn more and is cautiously treading through with a check list in hand.  Whereas I'm ready to start decorating the nursery!  I so much appreciate the balance between us and thank God for "teaming" us up.

I feel like we are climbing a pyramid of a thousand steps and we are only on step two.  Although I find myself wanting to find the elevator and just get to the top, Dave often reminds me that each step is necessary and purposeful.  It's amazing to see how God is working in his life as well.  Of course Dave is right, there is no elevator and we can't move forward skipping steps.  The attendance of this information meeting will allow us to go to the all day "training session" in Columbia April 13.  And then we can finally and officially get started!  My definition of getting started is when we are out there, forms and documents completed, where birth moms can look at our profile and potentially choose us.  The training session will help us with that (but I've been wrong before, so their might be some camouflage steps ahead). My prayer is that God gives me peace in knowing that His plan for us will unfold at the most perfect time, and that the journey is just as important as the ending.  After all, once we do hold the baby that God has created just for Dave and I, isn't the end at all but rather the beginning of a new journey.  I also pray that God continues to keep Dave level headed and rational as we continue.  I can't believe that I am admitting out in the open, where anyone can see and document, that Dave is the rational one.... I guess that shows you how clearly irrational I really am!