Thankful...

Tis the season to be thankful; which seems to be a "right on time" reminder for me!  This morning Dave and I listened to a sermon on TV that was recorded last Sunday.  As I've stated so many times before, there is no such thing as coincidences, and watching that sermon in that very moment was certainly a much needed moment.  It was about being thankful, not so much for the things that we have, but for the things that cannot be seen.
The scripture used was 2 Corinthians 4: 16-18... "For our present troubles are small and won't last very long.  Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever. So we don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen.  For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever."
How often I forget that life, all of it's ups and downs, are but a blink of an eye.  There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about and day dream of our little baby.  I wish I could say that all of those thoughts are patient, happy ones.  Truth be told, it's more of a mixed bag of emotions, including worry, confusion, sadness, and loss.  It is pretty easy to get caught up in some of those emotions, and I'm glad ones of excitement, curiosity, and pure joy are mixed in there to balance that little brain of mine out!
Infertility, all its emotional issues, and dealing with innocent, but sometimes harsh comments made, along with the waiting process can certainly feel like a heavy trouble weighing us down.  But it truly is small and temporary!
From speaking with so many other couples, and women, going through such similar circumstances I've really learned how valuable having faith is.  How important it is to be thankful for all the support, blessings, and love we are surrounded with.  But also to be thankful for the pain of infertility, and the waiting process!  God is changing who I am, making me a much better person, and as I write with tears in my eyes I am truly grateful for that.  I can honestly say that I look at life in a totally different way; one of gratitude and appreciation.  Not for all the "things" we fortunately have, but for the ones that can't be seen!  Though it's a daily battle, and not the route I would voluntarily choose, I am glad that it is our journey.  I just love the saying that life can only be lived forward but understood backwards, and can't wait to be looking backwards through all of this and praising God for every troubling emotion I wrestled with! But we are not quite there yet, and each step leading up to that point has been one supported with multitudes of friends and family members.
I've been writing thank you notes lately and I often feel like I am repeating myself.  I hope that I never sound insincere, because both Dave and I really mean every word of thanks.  Recently, our parents hosted a baby shower for us, and our friends surprised us with a dinner shower the other weekend.  Stocking the nursery with all the essentials, I get so much joy from organizing all the teeny tiny socks in the drawers and finding a place for toys that our little baby will use.  Each one of those gifts represents so much more than its actual use.  To receive a gift for a seemingly "imaginary" baby, one not carried in my own womb. One who's entrance into this world and our lives, contains so many unknowns.  That gift represents a very real hope for us! It is an incredible gift because it comes from a heart full of excitement, love, prayer, and support... and that is something we cannot be more thankful for!

Our baby shower hosted by our parents

With girlfriends at the surprise dinner shower...if you look closely at the mirror you will find the boys watching football in the background :)

76 Days and counting

When it seems like forever, it's good to sit down, do the math, and rest assured that "forever" might be a strong word.  233 days ago we decided to take this adoption journey and turned in our preliminary application. 181 days ago we submitted our formal application with Bethany.  Our home study approval (and my Babies R Us anxiety attack) was only 10 weeks and a couple of days ago.  I don't know why, but that helps me put things in perspective a little bit. We have accomplished so much in that time.  The nursery is finished, minus a couple of details. We have chosen and met with our lawyer a couple of times and even written up a living will. I kind of went a little crazy on completing our registries, turns out you can get free stuff when you register at certain places. We have a pretty good idea of what we will and won't need. In a couple of weeks we will have reached our savings goal to pay the placement fee and lawyer, complete praise to the Lord!  Names for a boy or girl have been chosen ( i do however wish that they started with the same initial so we could monogram some things- must be the southern girl in me).  We are working on a pediatrician and planning to schedule some office meetings next week. Oh, and Our family profile has even been uploaded to Bethany's web page.

The nursery... 

 

So it seems we have almost all our ducks in a row... Which sounds great on paper but can do a number on us  emotionally (and by us I mean mostly me; Dave has proven himself patient and casually cool once again). When we had so much to do to "prepare" for the baby, I was distracted just enough to keep me from concentrating on the waiting timeline. But now that we are as prepared as much as possible ( I mean are new parents ever really prepared??) I can't help but watch the clock!  It can be challenging to remember that God has a specific and purposefully planned child chosen just for us and will deliver that sweet baby in our arms in His perfect timing, not mine!  Why is it that I feel like God needs my help, I mean He did create the universe and everything in it, I think he can handle this too!  Moments when the waiting can seem unbearable, I am so thankful for Dave's level head and other mommies in waiting. We've been so fortunate to have been connected with other couples going through this same journey. I've been able to pour my heart out and vent all of my frustrations to women who can say, " you're not alone, I've felt the exact same way." I don't take those women for granted and am so blessed to have them in my life! Each minuet that passes I find myself wondering about our baby and know that when we do finally get to meet him or her, it will be well worth the wait!

We're Approved!

I've been waiting to write a post until our home study was approved, and thought that wait might take a bit longer... but out of the blue yesterday our social worker called and told us that it was not only complete, but approved as well!  For some reason,  I had it in my head that she had to finish writing it, we had to sign it, and then it had to be sent off to government land to be approved.  It all happened simultaneously however, which suites me just fine!  I had envisioned it sitting on the desk of some overworked, underpaid government employee in a building similar to the one seen on the TV show Parks and Recreation, waiting forever to be signed by a "Ron Swanson."  Maybe I watch to much TV, because thankfully this wasn't the case!

So now we are officially on the waiting list and could be potentially chosen by a birth mom any day now.  After the initial excitement, then came the anxiety and reality that we still aren't ready for a newborn.  Emotionally, we've been ready, but physically???  Well lets just say that my art studio (located directly by the nursery) is still a "death trap" for any crawling little person, the nursery is missing all the cozy bedding and essential gear, and we don't have any of the safety must-haves like, I don't know, a car seat!!!  I had a miniature panic attack in Babies R Us yesterday.  I was there getting some things for a work project and had just gotten the email & message from Bethany about the approval.  I think that might have been the worst place to take all of that in, because if you've ever been there, it's the biggest craziest baby emporium on the planet.  I was very tempted to hand the sales lady at the counter my visa and tell her "I guess I'll take one of everything?"  I mean, where on earth do we start.  There must be 20 different types of bottle's alone, and I have no idea what the difference is between the million types of strollers, car seats, formulas, boppys, do- dads, and thing-a-ma-jigs available!  I started to feel like I was in a Dr. Seuss novel, so I had to get out of there quick.

Once safely at home, and more importantly after speaking with Dave, I began to be comforted with the fact that just because we've been approved, doesn't mean we will get our baby tomorrow.  We still have time to stock our nursery, closets, and cabinets with everything we need (how much time, I don't know).  Thankfully we have tons of friends with babies of all ages, so we'll be calling on them to tell us what we can't live without!

We do however have our family book finished, ordered, and shipped to the Bethany offices.  That took much longer than probably necessary but I obsessed over the "creative" design aspects.  Sometimes being a creative thinker can be painfully annoying!  But it's done, and we're approved... so now we wait (some more).  We have to keep reminding ourselves that God is in control, and we will meet our baby in His perfect timing!  I'm so thankful that we can trust in that, and rest assured that it will all work out...

That's What She Said...

We actually arrived at the Bethany office on time, with Charlie in tow.  He waited in the shady car (windows down of course) as we went in with absolutely no expectations or ideas as to what we might be asked. SW explained that in order for her to write up an accurate home study (showcasing all of our perfectness ;) individual interviews would help her get to know us more candidly. I went first and Dave hung out with Charlie in the car, rather than in the lobby, which was much appreciated by our little "prince" of a pup. It's probably a good thing that (A) dogs can't talk (at least not in English) and (B) Charlie wouldn't be interviewed. As far as he's concerned, our little family of three (he doesn't consider the cat to be a family member but rather some fur thing that hangs out in the house) doesn't need to grow or change!

The interview took longer than I thought, which I should have figured.   I was asked all kinds of things like what it was like growing up and my favorite childhood memories. That was a hard one because so many of them were great. I finally answered with all the camping trip adventures we went on and Christmas in Young's Island with the Smoaks.  I used to love listening to my grandfather read the Christmas story from the Bible and exchange white elephant gifts! We talked about Dave and our marriage. Of course these answers brought about laughter and tears (I swear I am as emotional as a pregnant woman). Answering questions like, how do we divide chores and who does what made me laugh because I was picturing how Dave would answer this same question. With that in mind I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, hoping he'd do the same for me when it was his turn!

SW asked if we talked about how we wanted to raise our children, discipline, and expectations. I answered by saying our child will be perfect, just like our marriage, and we won't have to have discipline. She didn't laugh as I was expecting since that was a ridiculous answer. After telling her I was totally kidding she smiled and told me I'd be surprised at how often people say that in all seriousness. I guess that shouldn't be shocking, but really??!!

As soon as Dave finished and joined Charlie and I in the car, we couldn't help but ask each other how we answered each question.  Of course some questions were slightly different from Dave's point of view verses mine.  Like how we handle an argument... men and women really are totally different species.  We laughed all the way over to my mom's beach house discussing everything.  I think SW probably has a good idea of who we are and what our values and priorities are.  I hope and pray she knows that we love God, each other, to laugh regularly, and not take ourselves too seriously!

We are getting so close to being officially on the "list" of adoptive families.  SW will come for the final home visit next Monday, July 2! Once she types up all the required documents and mails it in to the state department, our home study will just need to be approved.  As soon as it is approved, we will start to see recruitment emails as early as that very day.  Then the real wait begins.  Only God knows how long or short that will be until He introduces us to the precious baby He has specifically created just for us!

The Home Study Begins

The Home Study process is off and running as we had our first home visit with our social worker (whom I'll call SW) June 7 and an office visit scheduled for tomorrow June 21.  The home visit went great, lasted about an hour or so.  Not because we live in a grand mansion but because apparently D and I love talking about adoption and what has brought us here and SW has patient listening skills, bless her!  We just get so excited sharing how blessed we have been through this process.  God really can turn any situation, no matter how despair, into a blessing!  I don't think I would have believed that a year or so ago, which makes me so thankful that He is changing my heart each and every day.

The whole Heilman household (including Charlie and Spunky the cat) got ready for the visit.  We were told not to over analyze the visit, have the house professionally cleaned, or do anything out of the ordinary to prepare.  So I'm not sure if spending three days cleaning (after all I'm certainly not a professional cleaner) and having both animals (yes-even the cat) undergo military style hair cuts falls under the "out of the ordinary" category.  But I mean, come on, who's not going to do anything to prepare... right?  Some might say that I forced my sweet old cat through torture to be shaved, but I think she kind of likes it.  You be the judge...

Spunky after her hair cut/shave.... Seems okay to me ;)

Charlie after his cut... the "Prince" as he considers himself, is used to it! Notice his "throne" of blankets and pillows...we've created a monster!

After showing SW around the house, taking approximately 5 minuets, we took the rest of the time just talking on the couch.  I must say I'm a little disappointed she didn't get to see (or care about) how clean and organized our bedroom closet was (that took one of those three cleaning days I mentioned earlier)!  We scheduled the office visit for tomorrow and she told us about the adoption preference form she would send out a day later.  I've been thinking about the preference form a lot lately, even though we have already completed and returned it.  I guess with Father's day just passing and specific scripture jumping off the Bible pages in my devotion, it seems like God is talking directly to me.  I know that He does that, as it says He does in multiple scriptures, but when it is actually happening, it always feels unbelievable!  Today I read Psalms 139 and verses 13-16, which in summary talks about how custom and specifically made we each were.  It's hard to set parameters around the type of child we want and aspects we are comfortable with him or her having due to pre-natal care or lack there of and genetics.  But there is a reality to that and it's only natural to want your baby to be healthy, whether he or she is received through adoption or biologically.  Ultimately it is in God's hands, and it would be even if we were having a biological child.  

I know it's going to be hard when we start receiving recruitment emails about babies in need of an adoptive family that have a special circumstance.  I just don't know how I could go through this without faith.  Faith in the fact that God has a baby already chosen for us and that He will lead us to that birth mother and child in His perfect timing.  Faith that He will only give us what we can handle.  Faith that He will help us throughout the whole process.  Without that faith, I would be a complete and total mess right now!  I have absolutely no idea what our baby will look like, not only physically but emotionally and developmentally,  , but then again, would I really have a better idea of any of those things if we were pregnant? And if we were pregnant would we change any of those things had we known ahead of time if possible?  Of course that wouldn't be possible anyway, and I don't have to really answers those questions, thank God.  I do know that Dave and I have to have faith that it will all work out.

We are looking forward to our office visit and mini vacation there after with my mom and family.  Dave We will have separate interviews with SW and I really can't imagine what we will be asked but Dave and I have been pretty open to just about any question so we shall see.  And of course I'll keep you posted...

A Memorable Memorial Weekend...

Yes, I do realize that Memorial Day was a week ago and I'm just now getting to this post but a lot has happened in a week!  The nursery is coming along and the walls are just about done, thanks to Dave and Leo.  Our social worker called to schedule our first home visit, officially starting our "home study" process.  So between the "construction" in the nursery and the home visit scheduling, a week late isn't that bad!

After the late night of cutting, sanding, priming twice, re-sanding, and painting, the boards were finally ready to be hung.

Just about done; last step caulking all the edges!

After finding a weekend available for our good friend, Leo to use his handy construction skills and tools, he graciously offered to help us put up some wanes board, complete with picture rail.  I got this crazy idea from Pinterest (a highly addictive somewhat new social craze), and because it was "for the baby," Dave went along with it.  It all seemed so simple; a quick DIY, just paint and tack up some boards, right? Well... lets just say that our estimated time on this project was one Saturday afternoon, and a week later, we still aren't completely finished!  I should have known better, nothing is as simple as it seems. 

Dave's parents were in town and went with us to Lowe's Thursday night to help pick out some wood pieces.  Bob's woodworking expertise was not only helpful but essential at keeping Dave and I from strangling each other.  If you want to test your marriage out, try a "simple" DIY project!  It is crazy how easy home improvements can bring the worst out in you.  Thankfully, we got through the weekend without any major catastrophes, bumps, or bruises!  It wasn't easy, though.  We found that out as soon as the boys finished cutting the 2x4's and ripping them into three pieces.  Although 2x4's are cost efficient, they aren't exactly good quality, and unfortunately didn't pass quality control (aka, ME).  That meant a whole lot of extra, unexpected work and not finishing in one day (or one week for that matter).  Dave and I stayed up till 10PM working on smoothing out all 22 boards.  Keep in mind we started this project around 9AM and never really stopped.  But now that it's just about finished, it looks great and Dave and I are still happily married!

Meanwhile, I chose some fabric and agreed to do a little bartering with a friend of mine.  Wendi is extremely talented on a sewing machine and is going to try her luck with sewing some baby bedding, pillows, and curtains in exchange for some Sweet as Peas painted items.  I'm so excited she is willing to try this, I can't stand it.

The fabric I chose for Wendi to magically transform into crib bedding, curtains, and pillows.

I also found an old antique dresser that I plan to refinish and use as the changing table.  We started painting Dave's great grandmother's rocking chair for the room too. To go with it, I picked up the most perfect little ottoman from a thrift store, that just needs to be repainted and recovered. It's all coming together, and just in time for our first home visit.  The visit is scheduled for next Thursday, June 7 (there's that number again;).  Our social worker, assured us that it isn't a "white glove test" and not to be anxious about it.  She is just going to verify that we live where we say we do and make sure we don't own a thousand cats or have a meth lab in the back yard.  She will also talk with us a little bit to get to know us better and how we came to our decision to adopt.  Friends of ours who have been through the process recently, told us it took less than 20 minuets for them.  We are just glad to get the home study going.  The sooner it is approved, the sooner birth mom's can potentially choose us at their adoptive family.  I just got chills writing that.  

Ottoman for the rocking chair; best part was the price.  Fresh paint and new fabric, it'll look like new! 

Future changing table and rocking chair.  Not quite finished with chair and haven't started the dresser.

The nursery has been a welcome distraction from all the paperwork and waiting.  Next we will have the family book to focus on which will be another welcome distraction as I love scrap booking (even if it is a computer generated photo book rather than an old school actual scrap book).  It hasn't all been easy and we have experienced some set backs, like my car needing all kinds of random & outrageously priced repairs, forcing us to go into our "adoption savings." But God uses those set backs to remind us that He is more than capable of taking care of us.  We have experienced overwhelmingly generous kindness from unexpected resources, along with friends and of course family, offering to help.  Those offers came at such precise timing, there is no doubt it was God's will rather than coincidence.  It also wasn't a coincidence that my daily devotionals this week lead me to specific scripture that touched my heart...

Psalm 120:1 "in my distress, I cried to the Lord, and He heard me." 

John 14:14 As Jesus said, "If you ask anything in My name, I will do it."

God is so amazing and I can't believe it has taken me 30 years to finally start reading His word on a daily basis and open myself up to intimate relationship with Him.  Jesus has changed my life and I can't imagine it without Him!

Surprise...It's a Crib!

I was hoping to begin this post with the news of a home study scheduled, but it seems a little more waiting is in our near future before that can happen. The good news is that my physicians report finally made its way to our cozy little file In Bethany's Columbia office. That might not seem like big news but it means that our formal application is FINALLY complete...which allows us to take the next step...starting the home study.

 The home study begins in the order in which the applications are complete, and depends on how many families our coordinator is working with. Ours is wrapping up three other studies right now and needs to get at least two of those completed and approved before she can begin with us. Naturally it is pretty easy to blame my doctors office for this seemingly huge delay, but what good would that do? Its good to be reminded, "God is in control and everything is under control," including the perfect timing of baby Heilmans arrival. Feel free to remind me of that if my patience runs out by the end of the month. Thankfully, Dave seems to be the dependable slow and steady with unfazed patience and faith (wonder why he isn't like this with all the small things, like my inability to navigate or utilize time management :)!

 Our coordinator hopes to be able to start the home study process with us by the end of the month. In the mean time, we can distract ourselves with the way more fun task of designing the nursery! We have cleared out the room, organized all the mess hiding in the closet, and put together the crib.  I just love saying that so casually as if it's not a tiny symbol of a magnificent life changing undertaking that makes us so excited we can't stand it! The crib is one of the only things in the nursery at the moment and it makes me smile every time I glance in there from working in my studio. We can't thank my dad and Cheryl enough for surprising us with it. They even delivered it! Dad and Dave put it together, which is a hilarious story in itself. Let's just say after 30 min of starting, Dave was in lowes buying new screws because "the box had the wrong ones," which I'm sure is a common problem in manufacturing factories, right?! But needless to say after four attempts, the crib is up and ready to go, and with no major catastrophes . That made for a night full of always welcome, and much needed laughter. We are just plugging along, slowly working in the nursery and getting photos organized for the family book as we wait to start the next step. 

It might not look like much, but organizing that closet was  a huge undertaking; so I had to include it in the photo with our precious crib from Mimi & Papi!

God blesses and encourages us every day in different ways. I'm becoming a huge advocate of Craigslist and consignment as we build our adoption piggy bank. It's amazing how you can turn what's been hiding in your closet, garage, and attic into extra cash! Of course, that's all Gods doing, and we are so thankful!

Lucky Number Seven

We traveled on up interstate 26 last Thursday night to get a head start on Fridays training session starting at 8:45. How is it that we can be late whether we are 10 minutes away or 2 hours away? Of course Dave has an easy answer to that, and I'll give you a clue, it has to do with me! So we were the last couple to arrive at 8:50 (it could be worse). It was a small group of only 7 couples, a number that always seems to pop up in our lives, especially since our 7/7/07 wedding date. And not coincidentally, the birth mother who came as a guest speaker also mentioned that number's significance in her testimony.

 The day started out with a devotional scripture read by the state director. One of the reasons we chose Bethany was because of how Christ-centered they are. We continue to leave these meetings feeling reassured that we are with the right agency. There are a lot of ways to do things, including adoption, but for us, surrounding ourselves with God's word and guidance is the only way we can approach this journey. As the morning proceeded, we of course learned more about the adoption process, and as a friend forewarned, will include more paperwork; just when we thought we had that covered!

 After our formal application is complete (still waiting on the physicians report- mine surprisingly rather than Dave's, who was non existent before this process) we will start the home study with our coordinator. The study includes interviews with both of us at our house, more paperwork, some required reading, the profile book (kind of like a scrap book, which i've already started since that's kind of my thing:), expectant parent letter, website stuff, and rounded off with some more paperwork. We also learned more about the selection process and placement paperwork, which thankfully Bethany completely takes care of! And not to be put off, the ugly reality of finances, fees, and legal counsel was covered and broken down by a guest lawyer. The lawyer was a woman in Lexington who specializes in adoption law, who I immediately fell in love with, since she shared her personal experience of adopting her half hispanic little boy through Bethany as well.

 The day went on with explaining and being prepared for how adoption effects the birth family, adoptive family, and the adoptee. For me the most meaningful part was hearing from the birth mother of the "adoption triad." I think it is easy to consider our own feelings as the adoptive family, and even those of the adoptee, but it's a little harder to imagine what the birth family (most often mom) is feeling. Both Dave and I have grown so much, by the grace of God, when it comes to considering the Birth moms and families. It's easy to fall into the trap of believing societal norms and stereotypes placed on these women, but for the precious birth mother who selflessly chooses what's best for her child, overcoming those stereotypes takes tremendous courage. There is no doubt that God is working in our hearts to see and appreciate that courage the birth mom exemplifies. Hearing the testimony of the young lady who chose to place her child in adoption, made me emotional at the training and still does to think of her now. As I mentioned earlier, she noted the relevance of the number 7 in her story and how it connected her to the adoptive family she ended up choosing. I don't remember the exact connection surrounding it, but I clearly remember her saying that seven is God's number of completion.

 This stuck out to me, not because of the biblical evidence supporting that statement, but at how evident it was that God had a plan for that baby. He used that courageous young lady, and what could have been a disaster, to bring such joy to the adoptive family and ultimately to her.  Because everyone involved chose to be faithful, God blessed them in an extraordinarily unique way. It brings joyful tears to my eyes to know that God already has a baby planed for our family, from the eye color to the date of his or her arrival. I've already started praying for the mother who will carry this child even though I don't know her. Dave and I both are actually looking forward to meeting her, which is certainly a complete circle from our original fear of this meeting.

In another post, I mentioned that I don't believe in coincidences, and that belief always seems to be supported the more I notice God working in even the small things of life. Using the number 7 to catch my attention, give me reassurance, comfort, and just make me smile, might seem silly to some.  But I'm confident, it's just another way God is communicating with me.  After all if coincidences don't exist, God is the only other explanation.

After re-reading this in an attempt to "edit," I couldn't help but think of a Sienfield episode (which Dave and I watch pretty much every day while -yes usually he- cooks dinner).  Everyone can rest assured we won't be naming our child Seven, or Soda for that matter...

GEORGE: Aw c'mon. It's a fantastic name. It's a real original, ...

Making a list and checking it twice...

Today's devotional reading included Psalm 69:32... The humble will see their God at work and be glad. Let all who seek God's help be encouraged.

I felt God just touch my heart after reading that. It's my prayer that Dave and I will continue to humble ourselves with eyes wide open to witness God at work in our lives! I continue to be amazed that people (besides family, who is practically obligated;) are reading a simple girl's blog. One that is full of grammar & spelling errors (yes, I've been told), which is sad being that both of my parents are/were educators. I can't imagine my elementary school teachers having to break it to my dad & their boss, that I wasn't exactly the star student.  It's good to know your strengths and  I'm clearly NOT a writer, I just write how I talk and words just kinda tumble out.

 I've heard from so many of you, who have shared with family and friends, many who have not even met Dave and I, that our story (even through the grammatical errors) has touched you in some way. THAT is so clearly Gods doing and His work! I've been able to hear similar stories and amazing testimonies from all sorts of people, which is such a refreshing blessing. I appreciate every one of them and marvel at how God can use all of our stories, tragedies, experiences, and disappointments to comfort someone else at precisely the right moment! The support is just overwhelming and leaves Dave and I feeling so blessed and grateful!

 We are eagerly awaiting April 13, the training day in Columbia, and just finished preparing all the paperwork for the application...which was no easy task! It was, however, a welcome one because the feeling of checking off a "to do" list is gratifying, especially to a self-admitted impatient "list checker!" It makes me feel like we are getting somewhere. Even if it is finger print checks, pet vaccinations (that may have prompted an emergency dog training session, not required but may be volunteered on our part), family history, physicians report, personal testimony, photos (which you would think would be easy but somehow isn't). Oh and an affidavit of health insurance, income statement, sign this and that forms, family residence, record release forms, 3 page questionnaire, SLED criminal record inquiry, and last but not least, birth & marriage certificates. Could you imagine if everyone had to do this before having a baby? I'd venture to say we would have a very different society at the least.

And it's off... Our application mailed out today!

 All of the stories and testimonies have really given us strength to check off some of the more grueling steps of preparing for our application and training session. We know they will continue to comfort us when we start preparing for the  home visit & family profile . We feel assured that the process, and hurdles, will not only be worth it in the end but will help us prepare for future baby Heilman! At least I know the pet training will, Charlie is going to have to learn how to take a back seat.

Who's going to tell this guy he's being down graded to "a dog?"

Myrtle Beach Meeting

The more I read God's word, I realize that He has a sense of humor.  I suppose He has to, seeing as how patient He has to be with us all.... and me in particular.  Since we "started" this process, we really haven't "started" at all.  That's where my lack of patience must have God lovingly shaking His head as He reminds me over and over that His timing is perfect; and I need to RELAX!

I didn't really know what to expect from the Myrtle Beach information meeting, but surely they would get some "information" from us, right? I was wrong, they gave us a lot of information about Bethany.  It was helpful info and we did learn some new things.  We also were able to meet our coordinator face to face and have some questions answered.  Just when I thought, okay, we got all the information we need, we are doing this, lets just go already, new questions come up that I hadn't thought of before.  That's what I mean about God having a sense of humor.  Dave is so much more level headed about it all, He is constantly seeking to learn more and is cautiously treading through with a check list in hand.  Whereas I'm ready to start decorating the nursery!  I so much appreciate the balance between us and thank God for "teaming" us up.

I feel like we are climbing a pyramid of a thousand steps and we are only on step two.  Although I find myself wanting to find the elevator and just get to the top, Dave often reminds me that each step is necessary and purposeful.  It's amazing to see how God is working in his life as well.  Of course Dave is right, there is no elevator and we can't move forward skipping steps.  The attendance of this information meeting will allow us to go to the all day "training session" in Columbia April 13.  And then we can finally and officially get started!  My definition of getting started is when we are out there, forms and documents completed, where birth moms can look at our profile and potentially choose us.  The training session will help us with that (but I've been wrong before, so their might be some camouflage steps ahead). My prayer is that God gives me peace in knowing that His plan for us will unfold at the most perfect time, and that the journey is just as important as the ending.  After all, once we do hold the baby that God has created just for Dave and I, isn't the end at all but rather the beginning of a new journey.  I also pray that God continues to keep Dave level headed and rational as we continue.  I can't believe that I am admitting out in the open, where anyone can see and document, that Dave is the rational one.... I guess that shows you how clearly irrational I really am!

Hearts of Hope

Dave and I have been overwhelmed with all the love and support from our family and friends.  Every phone call, email, post, and prayer is such a special blessing to us and none of them go unnoticed.  From the bottom of our hearts, we thank you!  After our first meeting with Hearts of Hope we realize how meaningful the continued support will be as we start this, most likely very long process.

Our church, Old Fort Baptist, actually started an adoption support group some time ago.  Last year, after a Sunday sermon, the children's director, Ann made an announcement about the group and what they were doing for families interested and in the process of adoption.  It's funny how God purposely led us to attend that Sunday and planted a seed in both of our thoughts.   Once we decided to go this route, we immediately set up a meeting with Ann to hear more about Hearts of Hope.  Our first meeting with the group was last Tuesday.  Even though we had talked to Ann beforehand, we had no idea what to expect. There were a lot of people who attended, and I was surprised to see that non-members from the community as well as old and new members were there.  I don't know why that stuck out to me, but i'm glad that different types of couples from all over the Charleston area had somewhere to go for support.  Each couple represented a different type of adoption as well as a different stage in the process.

One couple shared their story with everyone and brought along their precious new adopted daughter, Gabby.  It took them almost three years to get Gabby.  Another couple had their newly adopted son with them after starting the process only nine months ago.   Other couples are just starting out like we are, and gathering as much information as possible.  There was also a local adoption agency  rep, who was able to answer any questions.  She actually helped the first couple bring Gabby home, and had a lot to say about the birth mothers of adopted children.  We hadn't really thought much about our future birth mother, except that we didn't want to have much, if any, contact with her, less yet a relationship.  Reality set in as we learned that almost all domestic adoptions have contact with the birth mother.

When we heard this, Dave and I just kind of looked at each other, reading each other's thoughts.  But the more we listened to different couple's experiences with this concept, our hearts began to soften.  I always assumed that the birth mother wouldn't want to know what was going on with the child they gave up.  I had never thought of them as women who had to make the hardest decision in their life, and a completely selfless one at that.  To give your child up for adoption is accepting that, for whatever reason, your child will be better off with another family.  That mother could have easily aborted her baby, but by the grace of God, gave her child to a couple just like Dave and I.  When you think about it like that, it makes sense she might want to know how the baby is doing and that she made the right decision.  Dave and I can accept that but when do you stop updating the birth mom?  That is a fine line that we are praying about.  We don't want to feel like we are raising someone else's child, but rather our own child that just happened to come from another womb.

We look forward to getting answers about this and all the many other questions and concerns that will come up along the way.   March 9, we head to Myrtle Beach for Bethany Adoption Agency's Informational meeting.  Dave and I feel like little sponges soaking up all the info we can possibly get... let's just hope we don't get "rung out."(Sorry, I couldn't resist)

Letting God Have His Way

As most of you know, Dave and I have unsuccessfully been trying to have a baby for the past few years. Without our faith in God, prayer, and support from friends and family, I don't know how we would have gotten through all the grueling dead ends that infertility has shown us. After infertility medication, treatments, and a recently failed IUI, we found ourselves heart broken and confused.  Medically their is no reason that we can not conceive, the doctors diagnosed my "condition" as   "unexplained infertility," an actual medical diagnosis.  We had originally planned on trying another IUI and possibly an IVF, but God touched our hearts in a different way.
After the initial shock of the IUI not working when all signs were excellent, we just couldn't see any more infertility treatments having a different result.  We have been trying desperately to have a family our way, the way we imagined growing a family should be, resulting in a lot of heart ache and medical bills.  What if "our way" isn't the way we're supposed to have a family?  We talked and prayed a lot about that question.  Dave's mom, Carol told me something that helped her long ago when she was told she couldn't have children and it made so much sense, so simple yet so hard to do.  She said she had to get out of the way so God could have his way! And of course they were blessed with Sarah, and later with David.
So now we are getting out of the way (as clearly "our way" isn't getting us anywhere) and letting God have His way. We still are not sure what the end of His path for us looks like as "life can only be lived forward but understood backwards ~ Barbara Franklin."  But we both feel God is leading us to the blessing of adoption. It's funny how many "coincidences" (which I don't believe really exists) God has shown us.  Every where we turn, someone is sharing an adoption story, on TV, at church, in random conversations, sometimes with random people.  Our church actually has a support group for adoption called Hearts of Hope, they meet once a month and (naturally) the next meeting is on Cheryl, my step mom's birthday, who just so happens to be adopted herself.
The thought of adoption is becoming more and more exciting for Dave and I as we start the process.  We have chosen Bethany as our adoption agency and done the preliminary paper work.  Our next step is to attend a group meeting at their office in Myrtle Beach and go from there.  The whole process could take as long as a couple of years... but we know it is all in God's hands and His perfect timing.  We want to use this blog to keep our family and friends updated and allow you to walk with us on this exciting journey.  Please pray, laugh, and cry with us as we know it may be a long and sometimes hard journey ahead.  I want to leave you with my favorite verse, that as my mom suggested, I can hang my hat on...
"I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I have asked of Him" ~ 1 Samuel 1:27