Facing Goliath

An old friend called out of the blue and asked me to be apart of a special event. As she told me a little bit more about it, my first thought was... wow, I'm honored you'd even think of me... and you've definitely got the wrong person!

In a nutshell she wanted me to stand in front of 300 plus people and paint a picture of Mary and Christ during the reading of It Began in a Manger by Max Lucado, oh and in about 12-15 minutes. No big deal, right?!?! Well, maybe not to some but certainly to someone who
A. hyperventilates at the thought of being in a room full of strangers, let alone stand on a stage with their full attention;
B. is completely un-confident {yes, I realize that's not a word} in the ability to draw people, less yet our Lord and Savior, you know the Prince of Peace and the King of Kings!!!!
And C. has a hard time doing anything in a handful of minutes (I've self diagnosed myself with a serious case of ADD becoming more severe with age)!

I can think of an endless number of people more qualified, talented, and confident than myself! But she didn't ask anyone else, just me and the Lord was really tugging at my heart. I read the story and started to cry {I know, shocker, I seem to cry all the time these days, commercials, music, you name it}... I've heard the story of Jesus's birth a million times but reading it this time, this version, something was different. I thought of Mary holding her newborn baby, as a new mom, looking at her little miracle so tiny and helpless. All the emotions that must have gone through her mind... Ones most likely shared by all new moms holding their babies for the first time. This I could relate to, which I'm so grateful to be able to say; I could begin to understand Mary in a different way. Immediately a picture had come to mind and I felt that familiar tug at my heart yet again. The picture I was lead to was not the traditional one I remember from Sunday school of Mary and Christ, or even the one often seen on Christmas cards of Jesus in a manger, but I was reminded of a picture taken of Hudson a few days old held in my arms. It was a natural unposed picture capturing a moment that every new mom can relate to.

God started speaking to my heart, encouraging me to trust Him, that I could do this, He would help me do this. This thing I saw as Goliath, this thing I couldn't possibly do, this thing I wasn't talented nor confident enough to do.  So I agreed to do it... After all God had tugged at my heart before, and it led my husband and I to adopt, and that turned out to be more of a blessing than we had ever dreamed. If I could honor God with the gift He has given me, How could I say no?

It took a couple months of figuring out the logistics... We changed it from painting to chalk drawing on black paper, and added some time with the reading and the song Mary Did You Know (along with a million other behind the scenes organizing and planning I had nothing to do with, but my friend and a group of wonderful people at the church worked endless hours on). But the composition stayed the same, a simple innocent baby's face cradled in his mothers arms. 

After lots of practice and even more prayer, the day had arrived. It was time to face "Goliath." I had been teasing myself calling it this with my husband throughout the whole process but that morning I actually read the story in 1samuel of David and Goliath. Although it was Quite {with a capital Q}, different circumstances there were some similarities... I was terrified and about to go to battle with a tall order of fears, facing them head on and unarmed. But the Lord had my back and held my hand (quite literally in this case;)

Once again I trusted him and once again I was blessed because if it! It was an amazing experience that I was so humbled to be apart of. It wasn't the greatest work of art, lots of little mistakes, but in combination with the heartfelt reading, stage set up, lighting, atmosphere, and music, the message was clear... It began in a manger, and that's what Christmas is all about. What a blessing it was to be reminded of that at the start of this holiday season, it's so easy to lose sight of!
Although I'm glad it's over, I'm so thankful to have been apart of that event {A Christmas Remembered at Old Fort Baptist Church} I faced my fears, my "Goliath,"and was reminded in the process how good  and reliable God is! I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me ~ Philippians 4:13... Good to remember when bigger "Goliath's" come along!

Mother's Day

I woke up the Saturday before Mother's day with my dog, Charlie, licking my hand.  He was ready to eat and this was his gentle way of encouraging me to get up and feed him.  I usually don't notice Charlie because he does this to my husband (along with make lots of noise in his crate that I can easily ignore, but my husband not so much).  Dave is the one who wakes up first, feeds charlie, then gets ready to feed our little man.  It's their time together, and it always touches my heart to watch them together when I walk down the steps in the morning.
This morning, it's just me and the dog.  My son, who is 7months old now, and my husband are visiting family for a special event and I am headed to a friends wedding.  I am not one who likes to be alone... I love spending all day with my son and feel blessed to be able to stay at home with him.  It's a job I have yearned for so deeply, I still cry when I think about it.  This is the first time I have been away from my little one over night and it is definitely harder than I thought.
Since I was up so early with nothing to do... the Today show wasn't even on yet... I got some coffee and checked my email to find a blog post shared by a dear friend of mine.  Usually I save these for when I have a quiet moment to read, which could be a while with a 7month old, but the house was almost empty and definitely quiet.  She is a friend who always seems to send encouraging or inspiring things at exactly the right moment, so I treasure what she sends.
I sat on the couch and read a beautiful story from a birth mom and cried my eyes out! She told her story in such a open and touching way.  I am thankful there are women, birth moms, out there who have the bravery and courage to talk about and share their stories. It is easy to have a misconception about things you don't understand or know about... I am certainly guilty! Lately, when I look at my beautiful son, often behind joyful tears, I think about Jeremiah 1:5 "I knew you before I formed you in your mothers womb, before you were born I set you apart." God has laid this verse on my heart in such a way that I get emotional every time I think about what that means! It was four long years of wanting a child before God blessed us with our sweet boy... all the while He knew my sweet boy and formed him in his birth mother's womb with my husband and I in mind!  God, the Creator of the universe, did that for me????  How unworthy I am, but how overwhelmingly thankful and blessed I am! 
In the blog post I read, the birth mother wrote "But when I made up my mind; I knew, that I knew, that I knew...that this child growing inside me, was always supposed to be someone else's child. When I made up my mind, I never changed it. I never wavered in my decision. I was certain, full of faith, that I was doing exactly what God had planned for me, and for my firstborn child."
Wow, just wow! I couldn't help but stop to think of our son's birth mother.  I think of her from time to time and wonder how she is doing.  I pray for her often and am inspired by her bravery and courage. It was so refreshing to read another birth mothers story, so close to Mother's Day.  For the past few years, Mother's Day was a day of mixed emotions to say the least!  It was one full of thanks for the three mother figures I have in my life, each in their own unique ways. One grateful to still have them in my life.  I also rejoiced for my mommy friends, especially the ones that struggled to become mommy's but had finally been blessed with children. But it was also a day of sadness, hurt, and pain.  One that reminded me of the missing void in my life, the missing yearning to have that "job" of being a mom. With this being my first Mother's Day, I hold it as a very special day, one that I will never forget.  I can't wait to see "my boy's" on Sunday.  But I am also reminded of dear ones close to me, that still share the pain that Mother's Day can bring. Friends that have lost their little ones, friends struggling with infertility, friends waiting to adopt... my heart aches for their pain but rejoices in knowing that God is still busy at work forming His perfect plan for their lives.  Oh the beauty that will unfold for each of them in His perfect timing. Hang in there sweet sisters and know that your time of joy and healing is coming!
I now add birth mothers to my thoughts on this special day.  Not just the one who gave life to the most precious thing I get to hold in my arms and call my son, but to all the beautiful birth moms.  Adoption is LOVE on all sides.... after all anything that God knows and forms is out of the purest kind of love there is!

To read the blog post that inspired me, check out this link...
http://raisingbluebirds.blogspot.com/2014/01/i-am-birth-mother.html