Surprise...It's a Crib!

I was hoping to begin this post with the news of a home study scheduled, but it seems a little more waiting is in our near future before that can happen. The good news is that my physicians report finally made its way to our cozy little file In Bethany's Columbia office. That might not seem like big news but it means that our formal application is FINALLY complete...which allows us to take the next step...starting the home study.

 The home study begins in the order in which the applications are complete, and depends on how many families our coordinator is working with. Ours is wrapping up three other studies right now and needs to get at least two of those completed and approved before she can begin with us. Naturally it is pretty easy to blame my doctors office for this seemingly huge delay, but what good would that do? Its good to be reminded, "God is in control and everything is under control," including the perfect timing of baby Heilmans arrival. Feel free to remind me of that if my patience runs out by the end of the month. Thankfully, Dave seems to be the dependable slow and steady with unfazed patience and faith (wonder why he isn't like this with all the small things, like my inability to navigate or utilize time management :)!

 Our coordinator hopes to be able to start the home study process with us by the end of the month. In the mean time, we can distract ourselves with the way more fun task of designing the nursery! We have cleared out the room, organized all the mess hiding in the closet, and put together the crib.  I just love saying that so casually as if it's not a tiny symbol of a magnificent life changing undertaking that makes us so excited we can't stand it! The crib is one of the only things in the nursery at the moment and it makes me smile every time I glance in there from working in my studio. We can't thank my dad and Cheryl enough for surprising us with it. They even delivered it! Dad and Dave put it together, which is a hilarious story in itself. Let's just say after 30 min of starting, Dave was in lowes buying new screws because "the box had the wrong ones," which I'm sure is a common problem in manufacturing factories, right?! But needless to say after four attempts, the crib is up and ready to go, and with no major catastrophes . That made for a night full of always welcome, and much needed laughter. We are just plugging along, slowly working in the nursery and getting photos organized for the family book as we wait to start the next step. 

It might not look like much, but organizing that closet was  a huge undertaking; so I had to include it in the photo with our precious crib from Mimi & Papi!

God blesses and encourages us every day in different ways. I'm becoming a huge advocate of Craigslist and consignment as we build our adoption piggy bank. It's amazing how you can turn what's been hiding in your closet, garage, and attic into extra cash! Of course, that's all Gods doing, and we are so thankful!

Lucky Number Seven

We traveled on up interstate 26 last Thursday night to get a head start on Fridays training session starting at 8:45. How is it that we can be late whether we are 10 minutes away or 2 hours away? Of course Dave has an easy answer to that, and I'll give you a clue, it has to do with me! So we were the last couple to arrive at 8:50 (it could be worse). It was a small group of only 7 couples, a number that always seems to pop up in our lives, especially since our 7/7/07 wedding date. And not coincidentally, the birth mother who came as a guest speaker also mentioned that number's significance in her testimony.

 The day started out with a devotional scripture read by the state director. One of the reasons we chose Bethany was because of how Christ-centered they are. We continue to leave these meetings feeling reassured that we are with the right agency. There are a lot of ways to do things, including adoption, but for us, surrounding ourselves with God's word and guidance is the only way we can approach this journey. As the morning proceeded, we of course learned more about the adoption process, and as a friend forewarned, will include more paperwork; just when we thought we had that covered!

 After our formal application is complete (still waiting on the physicians report- mine surprisingly rather than Dave's, who was non existent before this process) we will start the home study with our coordinator. The study includes interviews with both of us at our house, more paperwork, some required reading, the profile book (kind of like a scrap book, which i've already started since that's kind of my thing:), expectant parent letter, website stuff, and rounded off with some more paperwork. We also learned more about the selection process and placement paperwork, which thankfully Bethany completely takes care of! And not to be put off, the ugly reality of finances, fees, and legal counsel was covered and broken down by a guest lawyer. The lawyer was a woman in Lexington who specializes in adoption law, who I immediately fell in love with, since she shared her personal experience of adopting her half hispanic little boy through Bethany as well.

 The day went on with explaining and being prepared for how adoption effects the birth family, adoptive family, and the adoptee. For me the most meaningful part was hearing from the birth mother of the "adoption triad." I think it is easy to consider our own feelings as the adoptive family, and even those of the adoptee, but it's a little harder to imagine what the birth family (most often mom) is feeling. Both Dave and I have grown so much, by the grace of God, when it comes to considering the Birth moms and families. It's easy to fall into the trap of believing societal norms and stereotypes placed on these women, but for the precious birth mother who selflessly chooses what's best for her child, overcoming those stereotypes takes tremendous courage. There is no doubt that God is working in our hearts to see and appreciate that courage the birth mom exemplifies. Hearing the testimony of the young lady who chose to place her child in adoption, made me emotional at the training and still does to think of her now. As I mentioned earlier, she noted the relevance of the number 7 in her story and how it connected her to the adoptive family she ended up choosing. I don't remember the exact connection surrounding it, but I clearly remember her saying that seven is God's number of completion.

 This stuck out to me, not because of the biblical evidence supporting that statement, but at how evident it was that God had a plan for that baby. He used that courageous young lady, and what could have been a disaster, to bring such joy to the adoptive family and ultimately to her.  Because everyone involved chose to be faithful, God blessed them in an extraordinarily unique way. It brings joyful tears to my eyes to know that God already has a baby planed for our family, from the eye color to the date of his or her arrival. I've already started praying for the mother who will carry this child even though I don't know her. Dave and I both are actually looking forward to meeting her, which is certainly a complete circle from our original fear of this meeting.

In another post, I mentioned that I don't believe in coincidences, and that belief always seems to be supported the more I notice God working in even the small things of life. Using the number 7 to catch my attention, give me reassurance, comfort, and just make me smile, might seem silly to some.  But I'm confident, it's just another way God is communicating with me.  After all if coincidences don't exist, God is the only other explanation.

After re-reading this in an attempt to "edit," I couldn't help but think of a Sienfield episode (which Dave and I watch pretty much every day while -yes usually he- cooks dinner).  Everyone can rest assured we won't be naming our child Seven, or Soda for that matter...

GEORGE: Aw c'mon. It's a fantastic name. It's a real original, ...

Making a list and checking it twice...

Today's devotional reading included Psalm 69:32... The humble will see their God at work and be glad. Let all who seek God's help be encouraged.

I felt God just touch my heart after reading that. It's my prayer that Dave and I will continue to humble ourselves with eyes wide open to witness God at work in our lives! I continue to be amazed that people (besides family, who is practically obligated;) are reading a simple girl's blog. One that is full of grammar & spelling errors (yes, I've been told), which is sad being that both of my parents are/were educators. I can't imagine my elementary school teachers having to break it to my dad & their boss, that I wasn't exactly the star student.  It's good to know your strengths and  I'm clearly NOT a writer, I just write how I talk and words just kinda tumble out.

 I've heard from so many of you, who have shared with family and friends, many who have not even met Dave and I, that our story (even through the grammatical errors) has touched you in some way. THAT is so clearly Gods doing and His work! I've been able to hear similar stories and amazing testimonies from all sorts of people, which is such a refreshing blessing. I appreciate every one of them and marvel at how God can use all of our stories, tragedies, experiences, and disappointments to comfort someone else at precisely the right moment! The support is just overwhelming and leaves Dave and I feeling so blessed and grateful!

 We are eagerly awaiting April 13, the training day in Columbia, and just finished preparing all the paperwork for the application...which was no easy task! It was, however, a welcome one because the feeling of checking off a "to do" list is gratifying, especially to a self-admitted impatient "list checker!" It makes me feel like we are getting somewhere. Even if it is finger print checks, pet vaccinations (that may have prompted an emergency dog training session, not required but may be volunteered on our part), family history, physicians report, personal testimony, photos (which you would think would be easy but somehow isn't). Oh and an affidavit of health insurance, income statement, sign this and that forms, family residence, record release forms, 3 page questionnaire, SLED criminal record inquiry, and last but not least, birth & marriage certificates. Could you imagine if everyone had to do this before having a baby? I'd venture to say we would have a very different society at the least.

And it's off... Our application mailed out today!

 All of the stories and testimonies have really given us strength to check off some of the more grueling steps of preparing for our application and training session. We know they will continue to comfort us when we start preparing for the  home visit & family profile . We feel assured that the process, and hurdles, will not only be worth it in the end but will help us prepare for future baby Heilman! At least I know the pet training will, Charlie is going to have to learn how to take a back seat.

Who's going to tell this guy he's being down graded to "a dog?"

Myrtle Beach Meeting

The more I read God's word, I realize that He has a sense of humor.  I suppose He has to, seeing as how patient He has to be with us all.... and me in particular.  Since we "started" this process, we really haven't "started" at all.  That's where my lack of patience must have God lovingly shaking His head as He reminds me over and over that His timing is perfect; and I need to RELAX!

I didn't really know what to expect from the Myrtle Beach information meeting, but surely they would get some "information" from us, right? I was wrong, they gave us a lot of information about Bethany.  It was helpful info and we did learn some new things.  We also were able to meet our coordinator face to face and have some questions answered.  Just when I thought, okay, we got all the information we need, we are doing this, lets just go already, new questions come up that I hadn't thought of before.  That's what I mean about God having a sense of humor.  Dave is so much more level headed about it all, He is constantly seeking to learn more and is cautiously treading through with a check list in hand.  Whereas I'm ready to start decorating the nursery!  I so much appreciate the balance between us and thank God for "teaming" us up.

I feel like we are climbing a pyramid of a thousand steps and we are only on step two.  Although I find myself wanting to find the elevator and just get to the top, Dave often reminds me that each step is necessary and purposeful.  It's amazing to see how God is working in his life as well.  Of course Dave is right, there is no elevator and we can't move forward skipping steps.  The attendance of this information meeting will allow us to go to the all day "training session" in Columbia April 13.  And then we can finally and officially get started!  My definition of getting started is when we are out there, forms and documents completed, where birth moms can look at our profile and potentially choose us.  The training session will help us with that (but I've been wrong before, so their might be some camouflage steps ahead). My prayer is that God gives me peace in knowing that His plan for us will unfold at the most perfect time, and that the journey is just as important as the ending.  After all, once we do hold the baby that God has created just for Dave and I, isn't the end at all but rather the beginning of a new journey.  I also pray that God continues to keep Dave level headed and rational as we continue.  I can't believe that I am admitting out in the open, where anyone can see and document, that Dave is the rational one.... I guess that shows you how clearly irrational I really am!

Hearts of Hope

Dave and I have been overwhelmed with all the love and support from our family and friends.  Every phone call, email, post, and prayer is such a special blessing to us and none of them go unnoticed.  From the bottom of our hearts, we thank you!  After our first meeting with Hearts of Hope we realize how meaningful the continued support will be as we start this, most likely very long process.

Our church, Old Fort Baptist, actually started an adoption support group some time ago.  Last year, after a Sunday sermon, the children's director, Ann made an announcement about the group and what they were doing for families interested and in the process of adoption.  It's funny how God purposely led us to attend that Sunday and planted a seed in both of our thoughts.   Once we decided to go this route, we immediately set up a meeting with Ann to hear more about Hearts of Hope.  Our first meeting with the group was last Tuesday.  Even though we had talked to Ann beforehand, we had no idea what to expect. There were a lot of people who attended, and I was surprised to see that non-members from the community as well as old and new members were there.  I don't know why that stuck out to me, but i'm glad that different types of couples from all over the Charleston area had somewhere to go for support.  Each couple represented a different type of adoption as well as a different stage in the process.

One couple shared their story with everyone and brought along their precious new adopted daughter, Gabby.  It took them almost three years to get Gabby.  Another couple had their newly adopted son with them after starting the process only nine months ago.   Other couples are just starting out like we are, and gathering as much information as possible.  There was also a local adoption agency  rep, who was able to answer any questions.  She actually helped the first couple bring Gabby home, and had a lot to say about the birth mothers of adopted children.  We hadn't really thought much about our future birth mother, except that we didn't want to have much, if any, contact with her, less yet a relationship.  Reality set in as we learned that almost all domestic adoptions have contact with the birth mother.

When we heard this, Dave and I just kind of looked at each other, reading each other's thoughts.  But the more we listened to different couple's experiences with this concept, our hearts began to soften.  I always assumed that the birth mother wouldn't want to know what was going on with the child they gave up.  I had never thought of them as women who had to make the hardest decision in their life, and a completely selfless one at that.  To give your child up for adoption is accepting that, for whatever reason, your child will be better off with another family.  That mother could have easily aborted her baby, but by the grace of God, gave her child to a couple just like Dave and I.  When you think about it like that, it makes sense she might want to know how the baby is doing and that she made the right decision.  Dave and I can accept that but when do you stop updating the birth mom?  That is a fine line that we are praying about.  We don't want to feel like we are raising someone else's child, but rather our own child that just happened to come from another womb.

We look forward to getting answers about this and all the many other questions and concerns that will come up along the way.   March 9, we head to Myrtle Beach for Bethany Adoption Agency's Informational meeting.  Dave and I feel like little sponges soaking up all the info we can possibly get... let's just hope we don't get "rung out."(Sorry, I couldn't resist)

Letting God Have His Way

As most of you know, Dave and I have unsuccessfully been trying to have a baby for the past few years. Without our faith in God, prayer, and support from friends and family, I don't know how we would have gotten through all the grueling dead ends that infertility has shown us. After infertility medication, treatments, and a recently failed IUI, we found ourselves heart broken and confused.  Medically their is no reason that we can not conceive, the doctors diagnosed my "condition" as   "unexplained infertility," an actual medical diagnosis.  We had originally planned on trying another IUI and possibly an IVF, but God touched our hearts in a different way.
After the initial shock of the IUI not working when all signs were excellent, we just couldn't see any more infertility treatments having a different result.  We have been trying desperately to have a family our way, the way we imagined growing a family should be, resulting in a lot of heart ache and medical bills.  What if "our way" isn't the way we're supposed to have a family?  We talked and prayed a lot about that question.  Dave's mom, Carol told me something that helped her long ago when she was told she couldn't have children and it made so much sense, so simple yet so hard to do.  She said she had to get out of the way so God could have his way! And of course they were blessed with Sarah, and later with David.
So now we are getting out of the way (as clearly "our way" isn't getting us anywhere) and letting God have His way. We still are not sure what the end of His path for us looks like as "life can only be lived forward but understood backwards ~ Barbara Franklin."  But we both feel God is leading us to the blessing of adoption. It's funny how many "coincidences" (which I don't believe really exists) God has shown us.  Every where we turn, someone is sharing an adoption story, on TV, at church, in random conversations, sometimes with random people.  Our church actually has a support group for adoption called Hearts of Hope, they meet once a month and (naturally) the next meeting is on Cheryl, my step mom's birthday, who just so happens to be adopted herself.
The thought of adoption is becoming more and more exciting for Dave and I as we start the process.  We have chosen Bethany as our adoption agency and done the preliminary paper work.  Our next step is to attend a group meeting at their office in Myrtle Beach and go from there.  The whole process could take as long as a couple of years... but we know it is all in God's hands and His perfect timing.  We want to use this blog to keep our family and friends updated and allow you to walk with us on this exciting journey.  Please pray, laugh, and cry with us as we know it may be a long and sometimes hard journey ahead.  I want to leave you with my favorite verse, that as my mom suggested, I can hang my hat on...
"I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I have asked of Him" ~ 1 Samuel 1:27