"Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus."1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
When all is well I find this easy to do. When things become a little, or a lot rocky, doing this becomes more essential, for me at least. Dave sent this to me this morning, which helped provide a little clarity in how to write this post. I've been meaning to write, but found it impossible to start. Most of you know that I just write how I talk, from my heart and thoughts, including typos and grammatical catastrophes. My mind has been so jumbled with emotions over the past month or so that a complete sentence seemed to much to ask for. I guess the secret is out...I do put some thought into what I write, as I care about the people who actually read this.
So how to explain the emotional roller coaster of our most recent journey twist and turns? We have been through a few different scenarios, all very different, but all leading to the possibility of having a baby to call our own. One came out of the blue from a friend of a friend, which seemed an ideal situation. Another from our first recruitment email that we felt moved to respond to. And the most recent from a young birth mom who chose us. None of the situations worked out, for various different reasons and Dave and I are at peace with that. We trust God and His plan for us, and it just wasn't our time.
Although we accept that, it isn't without a little struggle and heartbreak. One of the situations, the baby was already born, healthy and waiting at the hospital. To think that right in this very moment we could have our little baby, in our home and in our arms is astounding (and a little scary). I am so glad that I have an amazing husband in moments like this. When I say that Dave really helped me to view this as hopeful rather than a loss, is a massive understatement! But he's right, we didn't lose a baby or an opportunity. We gained hope that there will be a baby in our future, they are out there. And our vulnerability has strengthened our Faith and dependence on God... which is kind of the point I guess...
"Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing."
It's funny, I never really relied on scripture before, and now it's our life line! Sometimes I come across these scriptures in my daily devotional reading, sometimes friends and family send them, or other times I hear them on the radio or in a sermon. They always seem to say just the right thing at just the right time. So we are hanging in there, still waiting. Learning that we are waiting not just on our baby, but the right situation too. For us, for baby, and for birth mom/family; It really isn't about just us.